OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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