i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
