Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
