so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
