Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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