Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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