Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize