oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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