Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
