yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
