I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
