Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
