So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
