i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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