I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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