just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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