how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
