Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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