I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
