We won't sleep together?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
