what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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