I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
