I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
