she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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