Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize