Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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