who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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