There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish they made helmets for livers.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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