I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
