If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
