Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
