I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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