that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Randomize
