i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
