Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
