I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
