it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
