haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
