After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
