two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's never too late to be topless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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