now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
