I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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