apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
