I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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