Sry I called you an 8
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
