I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
