Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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