My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
