I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
