she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
