If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
