$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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