you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
