My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
