I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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