is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
