So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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