It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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