it was like his penis was on wheels.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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