Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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