I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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