If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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