The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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