Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
