I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
