I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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