I'm going to jail i love you
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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