two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
