he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
