sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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