I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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