Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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