Well douche your snatch and let's go!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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