'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
