I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
